Love This Girl

it took a second for her to cry when she was born and she still doesn't cry much. charlene mae mckay was born on monday morning just a few minutes after eleven. my membranes were stripped last tuesday, the day before i was 38 weeks pregnant, and i was scheduled for an induction sunday night. i checked into the hospital at eleven pm sunday and after monitoring the baby and myself for a while, my nurse hooked me up to pitocin at 1:40 am. then she told me that i was dilated to a three. i was so mad i had only progressed 1 cm since my membranes were stripped. i called kyle (who dropped me off at the hospital and drove a mile away to my parents home with addison - stinker) to let him know what was going on. then i went to sleep.

remembering that my contractions became painful within 15 to 20 minutes with addison's birth, i wasn't expecting to sleep for very long. it surprised me every time the nurse came in to check on me that i still wasn't in pain. thirty minutes, forty five minutes, and hour and a half passed without any pain. i could feel my stomach tighten every couple minutes, but there was no pain. when i compared that to addy's birth, i knew this labor was going to be longer than hers. at four a.m. i finally started to feel more pressure with each contraction and knew that pain would soon follow. i called kyle and told him to come to the hospital.

but charlene was in no hurry. when kyle got to the hospital, any pain that was starting to build left completely and we both fell back asleep.

dr. huff came in at 7:15 monday morning and broke my water. at that time i was dilated to a four and was upset with how slow i was progressing. i just knew this baby had to come within the hour like addison came 30 minutes after my water broke. this labor couldn't have been more different than addison's. one hour later and i was just starting to get pain with my contractions. i was so excited! gradually that pain became more and more intense and they continued to give me more pitocin. at 10:30 i asked for an epidural and had it at 10:45. my experience with the epidural was much better this time. with addison's birth i had a severe case of the itches for several hours, so when i told the anesthesiologist her answer was to give me less of the drug fentanyl. because of the lower dose of fentanyl, my epidural wasn't as strong and i could partly feel each contraction throughout the rest of the labor. it was perfect because i could feel when to push later on with out being in pain. my nurse checked my progress at 10:50 and told me i was dilated to a 9 1/2. she figured i was probably a seven or eight when i got the epidural.

five minutes later (10:55) she checked me again and told me i was complete! i was so excited. dr. huff came right in and i was pushing at eleven. charlene was born at 11:06. just over five minutes of pushing, it was so fast! i got that epidural at the perfect time. i wasn't in as much shock as i was with addison, but i remember right before i saw her i couldn't imagine what she could possibly look like except for exactly like addison. it was a shock to see how different she was.

she came perfect with all her finger and toes and i got to hold her right away. charly has a sweet bunch of long hair on the crown of her head. her ears lie straight back (thank goodness). she has adorable chubbiness tucked away in every little crevice possible. charly is completely her own person and looks nothing like addison or any of the mckay's except for her slight dimples. when looking at baby pictures, she shares similarities with my sister kenna and me.

interesting thing i learned from dr. huff about big babies: they mature slower than small babies and are happy to stay in the womb while small babies are under stress and mature quicker so they can come out sooner. so i have happy, healthy babies! as delivery approaches, babies shed their coating of vernix, but charlene was born with a thick coating if the creamy vernix all over, indicating that she hadn't started to plan her exit yet. if she had come on her due date (dec 15), she would've weighed about the same as addison (9 lb 7 oz); and if she would've gone four days overdue like addy, charlene would have been around 10 lb 1 oz! thank goodness i was induced!
quick facts:
name: charlene mae mckay
born: december 6th, 2010 at: 11:06 a.m.
weight: 8 lbs 14 oz height: 21 1/4 inches
hair: long and dark

note: even though she weighed less than addison, she measured bigger. addison was 21 inches long and charly was 1/4 of an inch longer. addy's head and chest were both 12 inches while charly's head was 14 1/2 inches and chest was 12 inches. i had three deep tears with addison and no tears with charly. healing has been a night and day difference so far. i wrote with addy's story that my recovery was great, and now i wonder why i said that. it was horrible; this recovery has been great!
charlene was named after her great grandma charlene brown (the one that was recently married) and her great-great grandma ella mae mccleve. we fell in love with that name a few months back when i realized that by naming her after grandma charlene and calling her charly, we could pay tribute both to my grandma and my late grandpa charles. how many people can do that?!

charlene is a beautiful baby, hugged and kissed to death by big sister addison who loves everything about her. two beautiful girls. i am completely happy!

Trip to the ER

last weekend we babysat for the trotter's. we thought we had brought everything back with us, but realized sometime after we returned home that kyle's phone was dying and we'd left his charger. the phone finally died on tuesday night. while at he was taking his school break at my parents house the next morning, i called him and told him to grab his charger before he came home that night. after hanging up i thought to myself, "what if there was some kind of emergency and addison or i had to go to the hospital and i had no way of reaching kyle? what would i do? maybe call the school and have them patch me through to him?"

how ironic that i would have this thought and that very night need to drive myself to the hospital, praying that my baby would be okay. at 6:30 i burned the potato soup i was preparing for dinner and after trying to fix it, had to open the doors to air out the nasty smell that was incredibly strong. i told addison that she could look outside but not go out or she would step on bugs (she has a fascination with bugs). i went to the computer to try to find fixes for burned soup. every two minutes or so i would get up to check on addison and make sure she was not outside. at 7:00, about the third time i stood up to check on her, i felt a sensation and thought i had lost control of my bladder. i held still and focused on controlling it and was surprised that i could not hold it at all. i looked down and saw the carpet had dark spots on it and thought, "oh great i got it on the carpet." i put my hand there and about a cup of blood poured into my hand.

i ran to the bathroom and knew that things like this just don't happen to me. i tried calling my mom, wondering if i should go to the hospital or reach my doctor first. when she didn't answer, i called my doctor and left a message with the answering service for him to call me back. i started cleaning up my mess when my mom called back. i called my dad and we decided while i wait for my doctor to call, i should head to the hospital. i threw clothes on myself and addison and ran out the door.

on my way to the hospital, my doctor finally called me and after i described what happened he told me that i lost a significant amount of blood. he said that much blood could indicate a placenta previa and if my condition was bad enough, he would have to deliver my baby that night. i was terrified. the next morning, i would be 30 weeks, and a baby born ten weeks early can have significant problems, if the baby survives. i was shaking the whole way to the ER, trying not to cry again. i couldn't believe how slow the hospital staff moved when i told them what was happening. even though i was taken to a triage room within thirty minutes of arriving at the ER (about 8:45), the staff all acted so nonchalant, which made me want to scream at them. i finally was hooked up to monitors and many fears were relieved just by hearing my baby's heartbeat since she hadn't been moving this whole time.

kyle finally made it to the hospital around 9:30 after he came home and learned i was at the hospital. grandma brown, my mom and my dad were all there too. after being monitored for two hours, an ultrasound to check for placenta previa and other problems, and many questions that proved i was in perfect health, i was released at 11:00 and put on bed rest. the doctor and nurses couldn't figure out why i bled at all. this morning i called and made an appointment for tomorrow with my doctor's office to see if i can come off bed rest. bed rest has been awfully tedious for just one day, but i could do it for the rest of my pregnancy if i had to.

my aunt jenell said, it isn't until something like this happens to you that you realize just how attached you are to your unborn baby. the whole time this was happening, all i could think about was how i just wanted to hold my baby and know everything would be fine. even though i haven't met her yet, i couldn't imagine not having her and i am so thankful heavenly father protected her from many complications that could have made the situation much worse. and even though i never want to go through this again, i am thankful that it happened. i think i take for granted my easy, uncomplicated pregnancies and healthy babies, both born and unborn. i now have a small sense of what mothers who fear for their sweet babies go through during complications. i know everything heavenly father lets us go through in life can be a learning experience, and it already has for me as i have heard other women's stories, ending in either tragedy or triumph, since my small trial. hopefully the rest of my pregnancy continues uneventful, but even if it doesn't, i know that i will have my family and my heavenly father to turn to. i love addison and i love this baby mac so much already!

A Loving Heavenly Father

first of all i want to say thank you so much to all of those who have showed concern and prayed for kyle's mom. two weeks ago when i posted about the return of her cancer, the situation was extremely bleak. doctors were pretty sure there was nothing they could do for her anymore and she didn't want to go through chemo again. we scheduled family pictures, unsure if this would be the last family pictures she could be in. we made sure that there were pictures taken of her and kyle's dad, her and the grandchildren, as well as with her two girls. last weekend she went in for a more thorough scan of her liver and then of her lungs. she is CANCER FREE! what an unexpected relief! the spots that they thought they had found two weeks previous were of no concern. doctors were shocked.

i am so thankful for a loving heavenly father who places us in families where we learn and grow together. i know he is with us when we go through hard times mentally, physically, and spiritually. he is mindful of our sorrows and fears. and while he will not always give us the answer we desire, he is always with us and sends his spirit to comfort us in our times of need. i have lost several family members very close to me from cancer and and other conditions. even though i have knowledge of the gospel and eternal families, these losses were, and are still very hard, and at times have been seemingly unbearable. i can't imagine how those without knowledge of the gospel are able to bear their burdens. i am so thankful for the atonement, for my heavenly father, and for this miracle that has happened to our family. and again, thank you for all of the prayers and love you have shown.

A Blessing

today was perfect. easter is a time to remember the sacrifice our savior went through for us. to reflect on his life and perfect example. to remember how he lived and died and was resurrected. because of him, we can live forever in happiness and joy with our families.
addison was blessed today by her daddy. she did so well and slept through the whole blessing. those that helped were daddy, bishop day, grandpa mccleve, grandpa mckay, uncle carson, uncle kirt, cousin daniel, and cousin bobby. we had many family members come to support her and show their love.
afterward, family came over for the traditional baby-blessing celebration. we ate navejo tacos and cake and ice cream. addison was passed around pictures were snapped.

kyle is seen here cutting the cake that everyone ended up being too full too eat. anyone want cake? it won't get eaten by us.

i had alot of fun taking pictures of everyone. which reminds me, i need to build up a porfolio. call me and i'll take some for you.

michelle and jesse have almost a month before they get married on may 15th. aren't they so cute?!

both grandpas worked out a system together to quickly make the fry bread. they chatted as they worked and swapped recipes.
we had to take the opportunity to snap some generation photos. the first one is my great grandpa, then my grandma, next my mom, me, and addison. not everyone can say that they have five generations still living, it makes me pretty proud.
kyle's parents, kyle, and sweet addison.

FINALLY! The Wait is Over

we have our beautiful addison grace mckay!! (yes it did turn out that we with with addison even though kyle created a facebook group to get people to vote for their his favorite name, brooklyn). here's addy's story.

like i said, i had my membranes stripped on tuesday morning. i had many contractions that didn't get me any closer to having her. i was scheduled for an induction at seven thirty wednesday morning, but got a call around five saying that they were too full and they would call when they had room for me. i was pretty disappointed, but with kyle still so sick i thought that heavenly father was just trying to make it work out for the best for him. then i got a call just before three pm from the hospital saying that i could come in.

we arrived forty five minutes later and while we were waiting to be checked in, i walked the halls to try and speed labor up myself. i figured it just made sense since my body had done a pain free job of dilating so far.

i was checked in around five and hooked up to the monitors. i had to get my blood taken - which terrifies me because i hate needles. then they stuck me on my other arm and waited until they had given me a whole bag of fluids before they started me on pitocin at seven to make my contractions become serious business. it didn't affect me for a half an hour. i remember feeling the first contraction that wasn't painful, but really just more pressure and tightness. i was excited to feel what everyone called labor, but i knew that i would eventually ask for an epidural.

my contractions came and went for about forty five minutes before i talked to the nurse and asked her if my contractions would get a lot worse. i knew that if they didn't get too much more intense i could handle it without medication. (my thought in the middle of labor is if it doesn't get worse and i don't need medication, that would be a cool thing to brag about.) the nurse just smiled and told me the pain was going to get much worse. BRING ON THE EPIDURAL.

i had to wait about 15-20 minutes before the anesthesiologist was available, so of course that made the contractions seem much longer and more painful. but she finally showed and kicked everyone out except kyle and my nurse. when i get nervous or am in pain, i tend to make jokes about myself to try and make myself feel better. the nurse sure seemed to think i was funny, but i never felt too much relief until the epidural kicked in. it took about 30 minutes for it to take full affect. but don't worry, my contractions got lighter and lighter, and ten minutes into it, i didn't feel pain. modern day medicine is amazing. that's what i kept telling everyone.
after that, some of my family left and the rest of us fell asleep, with the nurse coming in every so often to fix a monitor, up the pitocin, or check dilation. poor kyle was so tired and let my mom do all talking for him (he still had sores in his mouth) and eventually went to sleep and let her do everything for me. at about 2:10 am, summer - my nurse - turned on the lights and woke me up to tell me that i was dilated to a ten and that my water had broke. after that, my sisters were kicked out, kyle was woken up, and nurses were everywhere. my mom got the camcorder ready and kyle grabbed the camera. i asked to have a mirror so i could see everything. (you have to understand that i have been waiting for this for years - reading pregnancy books and watching the birthing channel, there was no way i was going to miss this.)i started pushing with the nurse. it was crazy, the whole time i thought, "this is really it, i'm going to meet my baby. i'm the one having the baby this time, me". i was in shock. it was surreal, the whole experience. i could hardly believe it was happening, addison was finally coming. the nurse had me push for a few minutes and then called the doctor. he asked me to push when he got there and then said "whoa, whoa, stop!" in the mirror i watched him catch/pull her as a contraction pushed her out for me. (only thirty minutes of pushing and only 1/2 push with the doctor). then she was on my tummy screaming and i couldn't stop staring at her. i was in shock. she was my daughter. seconds ago she was in my tummy where i had known her to be for nine months and now i was meeting her face to face. i felt like she wasn't really mine and that the real parents were going to come and whisk her away. everything about her was amazing, but i mostly loved that she was a little part of me and a little part of kyle. i immediately noticed she had kyle's mouth and my eyes, swollen as she was. she was beautiful.

just a quick look at the facts:
name: addison grace mckay
born: thursday, february 19, 2009 at: 3:21 am
weight: 9 lbs 7 oz height: 21 inches
hair: dark brown

recovery for me has been great, although my mom thinks that i just have a high pain tolerance. i can sit down now (yeah!) and can walk at a decent speed (woohoo!). can't wait to heal up the rest of the way so that i can enjoy my husband and brand new baby girl to the fullest!

Tender Mercies

so i got a phone call yesterday morning at 7:00 from a friend of the family telling me that everything was going to be fine but that my dad had a heart attack. not really the kind of news you want to wake you up first thing in the morning. i guess what happened was that my family went for a walk at five (yes, that's five A.M.). my dad started this a week ago to try and get my sisters to exercise and get up earlier. he had to come home early because he wasn't feeling well. after taking soda water for what he thought was heartburn and finishing scripture study, he told my mom that she was going to have to take him to the emergency room. she went to get dressed and he called for her and told her to just call 911. the paramedics got there and after assessing him said that he was having a heart attack. i heard that my dad kept very calm and tried to reassure my sisters and mom by winking at them and waving goodbye. but it really didn't help my sisters - especially kenna and kinsey - to see him hooked up to oxygen and wheeled away on a gurney. michelle told me that kinsey was crying and saying "don't take my daddy" to the paramedics.
meanwhile i was asleep and none of my family thought to call me. so all i heard was that he had a heart attack but was going to be okay. but i was fearing the worst and all i could think about was that my dad is way too young for a heart attack, way too young to die, and that i'm pregnant with the first grandbaby that he might not get to meet. kyle helped keep me calm before he had to go to school, but i broke down on the way to my parents house. my sisters stayed home from school all day. we had so many people from the ward and family come over to see how we were doing, help us clean or cook, or make sure we weren't left alone. kyle took work off and it was comforting to have him there with me. everyone was so amazing. i am so greatful to have so much support from people who know and love my dad and our family.
the cause of the heart attack was a clot in a main artery behind dad's heart. instead of surgery that would've taken a long recovery, doctors used a procedure that took a catheter from the top of his leg, through his artery, to the clot and dispersed it. they left a stint in the artery to keep it open and checked for any other clots. at this point he is in the hospital for recovery and observation and he guesses he'll get out tomorrow or saturday.
my uncle who is a firefighter said that if my dad had waited a couple of hours more to go to the hospital, he would've died. he said that most people try to be strong and think that they can handle the pain, not knowing that they're having a heart attack and that the longer they wait, the weaker their heart gets until it can't recover.
thank goodness my dad's heart is showing no signs of permanent damage. thank goodness my dad was smart and played it safe by getting an ambulance to the scene. thank goodness my dad decided to start walking a week ago so that he was awake when the pain started. if he wasn't awake, he possibly could've died in his sleep. heavenly father gave us so many tender mercies yesterday, so many things could have been different, but we are so blessed. if we just live right and do the few simple things we are asked to do we will be blessed in countless ways. i don't thinks i could emphasize that enough. i am so greatful for family, friends, the gospel, and that my dad is still here. obviously this happened for a reason, and my dad is still here for a reason when he came so close to dying. i'm so greatful things turned out the way they did. we are so blessed.